Release Date (UK) – 9th May 2011
Certificate (UK) – 15
Country – USA
Director – Dan Garcia
Runtime – 83 mins
Starring – Billy Zane, Jessica Heap, Gabe Begneaud, Drew Battles
“Never judge a book by its cover” — a phrase that applies as equally well to DVDs as it does to books. Normally I’d never condone judging a DVD by its cover, but in this particular case, I’m going to make an exception. I’m making an exception because when I see the cover of the soon-to-be-released DVD Journey to Promethea, I see the last-gasp desperate gambit of a marketing department that knows it’s selling a stinker.
Take the central figure for example. A gritty long-haired fellow staring into the distance in your typical fantasy-action style pose that could have been taken from any one of a thousand fantasy films released over the years. You might well be tempted to think this character was a star of the film. You’d be wrong. I’d go so far as to say that more time, effort and money has gone into the cover of Journey to Promethea than has gone into the film itself. You see the DVD cover mis-sells the film so badly — does such a good job of making the film out to be something it fundamentally isn’t — that there are bound to be some people out there who will fall foul of the film’s well-designed cover, thinking they might be renting or buying a half-decent fantasy film.It is my job — nay, my duty — as film critic to save as many innocents from Promethea as I can. (Beware: spoilers coming up…)
Set in a generic, non-descript far away land, Journey to Promethea follows the journey of Grado, a young man prophesised to free the people of his nation from the tyrannical rule of King Laypach (Zane), and deliver them to the promised land of Promethea. Following the death of his father the young, rash and inexperienced Grado embarks on a quest to free his brother from the King’s palace and make his mark on the world. On his travels he discovers that he has a power inside him that can only be ignited on his being reunited with an ancient sword of legends. This sword is given to him about three quarters of the way into the film.
It is very hard to describe a film as bad as this in a way that doesn’t give away too much of the plot. In part this is because there is hardly any of it to actually give away in the first place. The writing in Journey to Promethea is universally bad. The plot itself feels as if it has been conceived in a five-minute brainstorming session with a copy of ‘Generic Film Plots volume 1’, and hasn’t been expanding beyond the basic concept. The few vaguely rounded characters there are, are inconsistent at best, and our hero Grado keeps flitting between being an arrogant, cock-sure nasty young heir to the throne, and a naïve farm-boy.
There really is no reason to particularly like Grado, and his character is weak at best. The plot centres around the fact that he decides he’s going to march on the King’s palace to take some form of revenge without the faintest idea of what he’s doing, where he’s going, or how he thinks he’s going to achieve anything on his own. Yet somehow we’re supposed to find this reasonable and just accept the fact that he randomly bumps into a group of scantily clad ladies who are conveniently looking for him to give him a sword of great power. This sword he then uses in a small-scale battle with some of the worst special-effects of the last twenty years, and at its conclusion we find that he has no only miraculously defeated the King but has somehow delivered his people to Promethea (wherever, or whatever Promethea actually is — this is never explained), and has won the girl.
I could go on with the numerous flaws in the film (I haven’t even mentioned the light-sabres yet!), but I think you get the picture. A poor film from beginning to end I recommend you avoid Journey to Promethea at all costs.
Journey to Promethea is out on DVD on 9th May – you can order it here
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